Greetings again, Jolly gang! It has been suggested to me by persons unnamed that my recent article “What Stops Us” was geared too much towards the possibilities of failure and that this circumstance is so rare (at least with the more handy side of our group!)
I should focus now on what to carry in one’s cherished chariot, rumbler, love machine– whatever you call it– to enjoy a more complete motoring experience! Do I have suggestions for this, you query? You bet your balaclava I do, so take notes– grab your Waterman fountain pen or your quill and well, let’s get started!
Beginning with the smaller cars and focusing on what every car needs in her cubby or boot, the motoring enthusiast will no doubt find it comforting to don a proper cap. I have noted recently some fine choices: a Balmoral or flat cap certainly gives an air of authenticity to the driver of a Morgan, for instance, and Holden’s in the UK sells some quite fetching Ladies motoring hats (lovely image that). A beret, although not typically associated with the Brits, does give the impression there might have been a recent trip across the Channel or drive down the Champs Elysées! Those of us inclined towards the Lotus Seven or Morgan Three wheeler might be better presented in a leather flying helmet (and they go so well with the classic bomber jacket). All that fluffy wool around the edges truly giving the image of “Derring-do”!
Scarves are a must for both the Ladies and Gentlemen but tie them short so as not to go the way of Isadora Duncan!
No proper Gentleman or Lady should grasp the wheel without the appropriate gloves. String backs are by far the most correct although there are many good leather gloves for motoring (thin ones for better feel if it’s not too cold…).
Perhaps the sun reflections from your gleaming bonnet are too much to bear? No doubt you have considered shading your peepers. So important to better see the oncoming blighter in a Buick who is more intent on texting than turning. Also handy for taking note unnoticed in the event of attractive roadside scenery. The racer types will, of course, go for the Halcyon goggles with tinted lenses (again very good with the bomber jacket and leather helmet).
Lap blankets are a most welcome advantage, for it seems that strangely our right little rides have woefully inadequate heaters or “Fug stirrers” as properly called. More often than not, they produce somewhat less warmth than a mouse breathing on your knee and any cooling of one’s lady’s body might also cool her ardour… Upon arrival at that destination afar, your famished companion can now recline comfortably while you twirl your corkscrew like a seasoned sommelier.
Note, the Welsh make absolutely the finest motoring/picnic blankets. The basket itself (you didn’t think I would omit the very holy grail of all motoring accessories, did you?!) should contain all manner of accoutrement necessary for a lunch among the well-bred; a melon baller is going too far, but at least two types of spoons are de rigueur! Napkins should match at least a little bit of the classical patterns found on one’s kilt (you do have a kilt, don’t you…?) Wedgewood is perfect and Waterford crystal also separates one from the groveling masses at any decent polo match!
Umbrellas that suit your lady should be left to her choosing as there is no possibility of your understanding how to match them to her attire much less her mood! Opera glasses or perhaps a brass telescope for admiring the scenery (careful at the beach lest your lady take the aforementioned umbrella to your cap a time or two)!
And now on to the larger conveyances of correctness, Bentleys, Rolls and Range Rovers have a boot with the capacity for a proper table and chairs as well as other necessities one might find it difficult to convey in an MG Midget such as the ice bucket, coolers, shooting sticks, clays and ammunition, Polo clubs and inflatables for the beach.
Musical instruments can be much the advantage when serenading your lovely although not while driving unless of course you are adept with a Kazoo.
Well, there you have it! Now pump in the petrol and grab that bottle of Chateau de Huile and off you go.